My underwear smells like fireworks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
