Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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