there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
