Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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