Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
