How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
