so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
