seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
