look no pants
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
