dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
