Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
