God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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