I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
