I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
