"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
