im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
