All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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