I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
