He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
