i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
