i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
