he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
