i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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