who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
