he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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