i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
