i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she told me i tasted like america
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
