just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
