going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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