he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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