We're like a lot better than the average bears
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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