Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
