Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
