I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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