if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
