I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
