i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
