I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
