Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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