i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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