and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
