You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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