Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
