So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
