that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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