somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
