It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
