I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
