Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
