I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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