Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
