Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
